Just Breathe

Once again, I find myself so utterly exhausted- physically, mentally- and yet somehow unable to just plop down into bed next to my peacefully sleeping hubby. Maybe it's knowing that once I go to bed, it will suddenly be morning again. Another day to tackle. I feel so completely overwhelmed with life right now. Being a mom of five kids is a tougher job than this girl ever could have imagined. Add to that my calling in the Young Women's presidency and things are getting a little bit stressful. So what the heck does a person do when they throw in two college classes on top of all of that? Probably go insane, right? My perfectionist personality is having a hard time coping with a house that isn't quite so perfect- closets that hide the clutter I don't have time to sort through, carpets that desperately need cleaning, baseboards that cry out for a fresh coat of paint after five years of abuse, mail that piles up for weeks on the desk in the den, laundry that isn't folded and put away the moment it comes out of the dryer, a bed that never seems to get made... But worse than all of that, far worse, is the crushing burden of guilt. Guilt that I lost my temper with my diabetic son today because he has been so careless with his diabetes lately. Guilt that I am harming Nathanael's precious sense of self worth with my constant criticisms, demands, and expectations. Guilt that I just can't seem to find the time to help Sandee with her lateral lisp like I should. Guilt that I was so impatient when I was trying to help Allee with her piano this morning that I made her cry. Guilt that this is Lilee's last year before she goes to kindergarten and I haven't taken her to the zoo one time this year. Guilt that my heart breaks every day that Joshua gets older and yet I have to leave him for six hours a week to be in class (even though he's asleep for four hours of it). Guilt that I don't spend regular, quality, one-on-one time with each of my kids. Guilt that I am not the sweet, always happy, never impatient, never frustrated, always soft-spoken, fun mom that I always thought I would be. How do I face another day like today? How do I press forward when I know the heavy weight that I have to carry in my life right now? I know I just need to cast my burdens on the Lord. The people of Alma carried heavy burdens when they were slaves to the Lamanites. When they prayed, the Lord did not take away their burdens. He simply made them lighter, easier to bear:

Mosiah 24: 13-15, 21
13 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.
14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.
---
21 Yea, and in the valley of Alma they poured out their thanks to God because he had been merciful unto them, and eased their burdens, and had delivered them out of bondage; for they were in bondage, and none could deliver them except it were the Lord their God."

Wow. Even as I read this passage of scripture, I can feel the warmth of the Holy Ghost surrounding me. Heavenly Father has spoken to me through this scripture: "Lift up your head and be of good comfort, for I know the covenant which ye have made unto me..." The Lord is promising me that He will ease the burdens that I am called to carry right now, that I cannot feel them, even while I still carry them. He will do this that I will stand as a witness for Him hereafter and that I will know without a doubt that He visits His people in their afflictions. The Spirit is so strong right now! Now, I must submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord. Thank you, Heavenly Father. I can do this. Just breathe...